Nothing means something but just not anything

My girlfriend says she doesn't want anything for her birthday. What is she getting at? Should I just get something small and not make a big deal about it? Or do I not get her anything at all?

That depends: how much longer do you want to date this girl? 

See, girls will always say they don't want anything for birthdays and holidays, but that doesn't mean they don't want anything. Confused? 

You should be. 

Example: when I say I don't want anything, what I mean is that I don't want an expensive gift or a fancy dinner. I want a card with a handwritten message inside, 24 hours of sweet words text to my phone and access to the remote for one evening so I don't have to DVR my shows. It’s the little things that show you care, but that take actual thought and work. 

So, it's simple. What she means is that she doesn't want anything that means nothing, she wants it to mean something. Get it? 

Of course not ... just get her something shiny, that always works. A good rule of thumb is to stay away from domestic items and gym memberships. Good luck and happy birthday to your girlfriend.                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                         

Permission to be a douche ... ?

I'm a guy in my late 20s and I'm in a really good relationship with a great girl. We've been together for about five years and things are good. Now that we've lived together for over a year, we're talking about getting married. Things couldn't be any better. But I'm wondering if I'm making a mistake by settling down so soon. I'm not even 30 yet. The more I think about things, I wonder if I'd be happier in an open relationship or in another relationship. At the same time, I know I don't want to lose her. So, I guess my question is, would it be okay for me to cheat on my girlfriend to make sure that I'm ready to get married? It wouldn't be an affair-type thing, it would be more of a one night stand - something to prove to myself that I don't want to be with any other woman than my girlfriend. I'm thinking about telling my girlfriend this, but I'm afraid she won't trust me anymore. 

Haha, you're considering telling your girlfriend you want to cheat on her to prove to yourself that you can be with her "til death do you part?" Death may come sooner than you think ...

As a girl who has been in your soon-to-be-ex's high heels, I can tell you she won't react sympathetically to your dilemma, nor will she respond favorably to your selfish idea of a solution. The fact that you are only looking at a one night stand leads me to believe you have met someone you are curious about and think the only way to figure out if it's her or your girlfriend you want to be with is to sample the goods. Unless you are looking at a string of one night stands ... ?

Most guys, who are not total tools, would recognize that getting some strange won't get them anything in this situation except dumped - and possibly an STD should you choose to not arm yourself with protection. You know, herpes is forever -  like diamonds, only not as desirable.

Remember, there will always be other people out there you will be attracted to, who interest you on certain levels and who may seem like a better fit. But think about what you have at home and decide if it's worth giving up 'perfect,' for an idea of what another person could be like. The grass is not greener on the other side, it's greener where you water it.

If you're having these thoughts, you don't have any business being in a long-term relationship or even considering marriage. I do think you should talk to your girlfriend about how you're feeling before you take the plunge into a commitment you may not be as ready for as you thought. Because if you were serious about the future of your relationship, you would realize that couple's therapy would be a more mature and responsible solution to this issue.

As for how you're lady will take the news ... she's either going to go bat-shit crazy on yo' ass or or she will want the same opportunity to figure out if you will keep her satisfied and happy for eternity - or if there might be someone out there who won't second guess her worth.

Oh, the answer to your question, would it be okay to cheat to make sure you can be faithful? It's never okay to cheat. Ever.

Ixnay on the exes ... eh?

The other day I was using my boyfriend’s computer and I found something I am not sure I should worry about. When I was typing the address to Facebook, it automatically filled in the address to his ex’s Facebook page. When I checked his history, I saw he had been looking up all his old exes. Me and him have only been dating for two years. Is this a sign he is still thinking about them? Do I say something to him? I really love him and if there’s a problem I want to address it. 

Only two years? You say that like it’s a short time. That’s actually a marathon run in today’s society of superficially short relationships.

You can’t tell me you’ve never looked up an ex (or two) to see what they’ve been up to. That’s what Facebook and social networking is for! Everyone gets curious and tries to see if the other person did better or worse – especially if it was a nasty break-up. I’ve done it and, to be honest, it wasn’t even because I cared it, was because I was bored.

If he was only looking up one and there were numerous Google searches for the same person, I’d say maybe there would be something to worry about. Most guys (and some girls) tend to fantasize an old relationship when they feel their current one is going sour. They don’t remember important facts about the past like:

He was a selfish douche

She was a materialistic, pre-menstrual, monstah-bitch

He dumped her harshly

She cheated on him

If he searched them, then, yeah, he’s still thinking about them. In what way?  You won’t know unless you ask him. Since you had permission to use his computer (you did get the ok, right?) then you can legitimately bring it up. But don’t do it in a bitchy way using an accusatory tone, don’t bring it up right after naughty time and not while you guys are having a great time. That makes you the buzzkill.

Maybe you can set him up to expect a talk by sending him a text saying you’d like to talk to him about something when he gets home from work (if he has a job). 

Too many people overlook things they are bothered by to keep the peace in a relationship and before they know it, resentment builds into an erupting volcano of a nasty, screaming break-up.