Hang on Snoopy ..

I don’t know if you remember me, but we met at Barnes and Noble a few weeks ago. My husband is away on “business” and we had an interesting conversation where you advised me not to snoop unless I was prepared to see what I didn’t want to see. But I didn’t listen and I saw something, now I don’t know what to do. It’s upsetting to say the least. A woman wrote him an email saying she missed him and wanted to skype with him. I understood her to be a friend from high school, but to me it seems pretty forward when you know a man is married. I deleted the email from her, but I can’t stop thinking about it. Now I’m wondering if he’s been writing her or talking to her because I don’t see why she misses him. I also remember you saying if I ever did snoop, I can’t say anything because I’d be the bad guy, no matter what. But I can’t just let this go. If I were to say something, what would you say would be the best route to go?

Well, I’d say you can’t go bat-shit crazy on him because you have no idea what his response would have been. What if he would have blew her off by either ignoring the email, deleting it or – long shot - telling her that she’s being a slut by hitting on a married man? Your best course of action would have been to leave the email in his box and see how he responded. He either would have proven himself to be a douchebag or he would have made you proud. Now you will never know and that will probably bother you since I’ve pointed it out.

Not all men are bad guys and some women can be manipulative, skanky bitches. I say that in my whitest girl voice.

You did violate his privacy by digging through his stuff, but I am assuming since you’re married, you have all his passwords and he knows this. So, why would he set himself up for failure? If you hadn’t deleted the email, you could have brought it up casually and asked about it. But now you can’t. It’s one thing to go through his shit, but another to delete it, even if you feel justified.

Since you already got rid of the email, and you aren’t even sure what would have happened, you can’t really be upset at a “what if.” Just because some girl emails your husband, it doesn’t mean he invited the contact. At this point, I would put this behind you and move on. Next time, don’t go looking for things you know you’re going to find. And if you find something vague, wait for it to prove itself worth a solid argument.

Facebook drama

Totally need your help. My boyfriend and I got into a fight because I wouldn’t add his mom on my Facebook. Well, I don’t think I need to add his mom if I don’t want to because I don’t even have my own parents on my Facebook page because of what my friends post and the pictures I get tagged in. I mean, we’re not old enough to drink and we don’t party, but some of the things are not what I would want my parents to see, so why would I want his mom to see it? His mom wrote me about it and I explained to her that I only use it for my friends, my own family isn’t on it and that it doesn’t mean we can’t hang out and talk. She insists that since I’m dating her son, she has a right to be on my page. I don’t have any problems with her, I just don’t think it’s a good idea because of that exact reason. My boyfriend agrees with his mom and hasn’t talked to me in days because of this. I don’t want to give in, but I don’t like fighting. Am I in the wrong? Should I add her? If I don’t, will I lose my relationship?

Oh, Facebook, the destroyer of relationships and friendships … drama disguised as a network of friends, old and new …

Honestly, when a grown woman puts that much importance on whether she is a Facebook friend of anyone, it has to make you wonder where her maturity level is … But, it is your page and you can do what you please. I don’t really see it as a big deal to add her just to keep the peace and your relationship –unless there is another reason why you don’t want her to have access to your page?

Obviously, if your boyfriend is not talking to you over this, it means he is very close to his mom and feels you are, in some way, disrespecting her by denying her a Facebook friendship. No matter what, family sticks together. I do think it’s a ridiculous reason to fight about and not talk to you over, but the issue is important to his mum, so now it’s important to him. I’m not saying he is wrong or you are right, I’m just pointing out that this is over a Facebook friendship denial – and that it’s stupid.

I remember before the Internet and Facebook and MySpace … things were less dramatic and a lot simpler. Relationships weren’t validated by status updates online and friendships weren’t ranked by a top 8. Thank the kids that were bored enough to invent that networking bitch for making your social and personal lives more difficult to navigate, as if it wasn’t hard enough dealing with normal relationship issues.

So, you may lose your relationship over this if you can’t make peace with your boyfriend’s mom. Blood is thicker than water. It doesn’t matter what issues you may have with his mom, your boyfriend will always remain loyal to family. What he needs to be asking himself is why he isn’t trying harder to understand your side of things and maybe work together on a compromise – if he intends on staying with you. His reaction and how he handles the situation will tell you how much he respects your relationship and how much he cares.

And you probably want to start asking yourself if whatever your reasons are for not having her on your page are more important than keeping your relationship together.