Dear Hot Chick,
I have a slight crush on the barista at my favorite coffee place. Even though we flirt and talk a little when I’m at the counter ordering my coffee, I don’t know if I should ask her out. I want to, but what if she says no? Would it be awkward after that for us? Is there a way to ask her to get a guaranteed yes?

It must be so hard to be a dude sometimes. Especially a dude with feelings.

Why are you worried about getting a 'no?' You should be worried about her saying yes, because then – since you asked her out – you have to come up with a plan that will guarantee a second date.

But no pressure there …

If the magical rapport you think you both share is real, then you shouldn’t have to worry about rejection. If you’re not sure that you are imagining it because maybe you overheard her having the same connection with all of her other customers (after all, she IS in the business of customer service), then you can do what everyone else is doing now – Facebook friend and stalk the crap out of her. And try not to think that her accepting your friend request on FB means she is declaring a secret crush she may have been harboring for you all along. Some people are friend collectors or just nice. Personally, I’m not a fan of the social networking cloak of protection, but it has become a ‘safe’ way for dudes to creep for dates without fear of public rejection.

OR – and I’m just going to throw this out there – be yourself and ask her if she would like to hang out sometime? If you and some friends are planning a get together, invite her (and a friend) - it’s casual and you will get a chance to talk to her without the coffee counter barrier. You don’t know what her relationship or state of mental stability may be so you want to keep it casual just in case she’s dating a UFC wannabe or has a tendency to be a stage five clinger.

One girl - two guys ...

Dear Hot Chick: I'm kind of in between two guys at the moment and I need to choose soon. I met both on the same night and have been seeing them for a few months. I can't add either to my Facebook and they are asking questions and wanting more of my time than I have for two guys. I just don't know who to pick, they are both great guys. One is older and one is younger than me, they both have great qualities and the sex is great withg both, but I know if either finds out about the other, at this point I'm done. How do I pick? Is there a test ? What would you do?

Yes, there is a test. It's called an STD test and you can get that at the local clinic. I would not put myself in a position to look like a hooker so asking me that question won't help you. And if I did, I wouldn't admit to it in public, so it's still not a valid question.

Don't get me wrong, going on a few dates with a few different guys is not a bad thing. It can be healthy. But the minute you decide to engage in naughty time activities ... that's when you should have made your choice between one of the two. Girls that act like guys are not cute, it's not empowering and in the end, you end up looking like a who- a tool.

Honestly, I don't think you like either of them enough to be in a relationship. If you did, you wouldn't be asking me, you would have already made your choice. So ... I don't know what to tell you except to flip a coin.

Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?

Dear Hot Chick: I've been seeing this guy for two months. When we met, he said he didn't want a relationship because his job is too demanding (he's an EMT). He just wants someone he can spend time with when he has time. At first I was like, okay, and tried to keep things simple. You know, no cuddling, no overnights and no spending a lot of time together. But then he started being more affectionate and trying to spend even more time with me, even trying to get me to spend the night with him. When I asked him if he had changed his mind about being in a relationship he said no, but since we were hanging out anyway, why not enjoy it all the way? When I told him that he can't have everything and give nothing, he got mad and left. I haven't heard from him in a few days. What should I do? I have to admit that I developed some real feelings for him and was hoping that maybe he decided he wanted to be in a real relationship with me.

And this is why the friends with benefits arrangement doesn't work - unless you're both men. Because women can't turn off their emotions. As much as we try, we're just wired to feel things. The one-nighter was made for us - it's quick and there's no time to feel anything. Like pulling off a band-aid. But you only do it once - no repeaters.

So, what do you want out of this pretend relationship you have going? It's not exactly set up for a long-term pay-off. So what you should do depends on what you want. He's already told you he doesn't want a relationship and my own experience has told me that when a guy says that, he means it. Even if, one day, he decides he wants a real one, he still won't have that with you. Why not? I don't know, something about you giving him everything without a commitment.

That movie you watched with Justin and Mila? That was just a movie. Hollywood makes money off of raising expectations. Why do you think so many tweenagers don't want boyfriends? Because they are waiting for a vampire or werewolf! But I digress.

Look, bottom line is he walked out and you haven't heard from him. That's his answer to you. He laid it all out for you in the beginning when he said that he didn't want a relationship. Once those words left his mouth and you agreed to put out, he felt comfortable knowing he was covered in the event something like this should happen - and he's right. What was wrong was him expecting you to be his pretend girlfriend.

You're going to call him or text him, I'm going to advise you not to do that. You will only be feeding his ego ... and turning him off. Right now, there's a residual amount of oxytocin in your blood that's telling you that you need this guy, but you don't. Use this experience as a learning block - now you know you can't separate your heart from your vagina. Save them for someone who wants both.

Next time someone says they don't want a relationship, hear what they are really saying, "You're not good enough to be my girlfriend, but I'll still engage in naughty time with you." Remember, people only treat you the way you allow them to treat you.