Gossip Girl-friend

My girlfriend and her friends like to gossip. They get together and have focus groups about different things and people they gossip about. I don’t care, I know that’s what girls like to do when they get together, but it’s when we are alone and spending time together and the only thing she can talk about is other people and that really bothers me. At first, it was pretty entertaining to listen to what kinds of things they talk about. But it’s the only thing she can talk about. I like more substance to my conversations and this is getting old. Is this how all girls act or are there girls who do more than just talk about other people?

A: Wait. Men 'Converse'? Really? Since when? I jest …

So, what kind of “substance” are you looking for in your conversations? Should there be a sports element, mention of some boobies or even talk of alcohol and partying? No, I’m serious. I understand that what’s interesting to men can be so different to what’s interesting to women.

Well, let’s get one thing straight: they don’t consider their talk as gossiping, they consider it networking. It’s not all chicks, but there are a lot of chicks like your chick. If you were paying attention to what she was saying and not what you guys could be doing when you first met her, it would have been obvious that she would turn out to be a vapid flake, perfect for you only when her mouth was shut or occupied (don’t be dirty, I’m talking about with food or drink). There are girls out there who can hold a conversation, but there’s a trade-off. They probably won’t quick to put out, will call you on your bull and crap, and could possibly not be as hot as your Gossip Barbie. Those girls are known as keepers. I’m assuming this isn’t your first girlfriend, but if you met a keeper, you wouldn’t be writing me right now.

But to be fair, let’s assume you have a girl who is capable of holding conversations about something other than who’s doing who, wearing what and saying that. How about voicing your concerns about the lack of diversity in topics of discussion? Or – and this is just a shot in the dark – you could start the conversation on a point that interests you. I’m going to assume that when you two talk, it’s mostly her talking and you pretending to listen. Feigned interest in return for favors is not a situation that can last.

So, practice some good conversation starters and learn how to steer talk in the direction you would be more likely to participate in. If that doesn’t work, consider the entertainment value of gossip and take an interest: if you can’t beat them, join them. Good luck!

Decisions, decisions ...

I started seeing a guy a few months ago that I met on Facebook; we have mutual friends. He is deployed and messaged me out of the blue one day. We’ve talked, written, Skyped or IM’d every day for the last few months and we agreed to be boyfriend and girlfriend, even changing our relationship status on Facebook. Well a week ago, I went out with the girls and ran into my ex- boyfriend who cheated on me with a girl he met online. We talked and he wants to get back together. But he’s getting ready to deploy. Now I’m confused. I still have feelings for my ex, and I also like this new guy, but he isn’t here and I really don’t know him well. My ex will be leaving about the time my new guy comes back. How should I handle this?

A: How should you handle what? Cheating? Because that’s what it sounds like and I don’t tell people how to creep on their relationships. Do you really have feelings for your ex other than he’s conveniently not deployed? You could have saved yourself from this dilemma by not agreeing to ‘date’ someone you’ve never actually met or spent time with, leaving yourself available to explore all other ‘options’ free of judgment. But you didn’t and if you do what you’re thinking about doing, just know that every derogatory word for chicks that cheat on their dudes will be yours to own.

You know your ex hasn’t been pining for you since the breakup - there’s probably a trail of vagina from the last time you both hooked up to now. The only reason he wants you back is he either saw your status update on Facebook, heard it through mutual peeps or hasn’t had any luck with trading up and realized you were probably the best he was gonna get. Exes have a way of knowing when to jam that emotional crowbar in your heart to keep you from moving on. Mr. Facebook is fresh and untainted by d-bag shenanigans – at least for the time being.

I haven’t heard you say you love either guy, which leads me to believe you’re just looking to have a your more intimate needs met. I suppose if you timed it just right, and kept it to yourself, you could have your cake and eat it, too. But then, that doesn’t make you any better than your ex boyfriend, now does it? So the choice - to be or not to be - is yours.