Pop the question or offer the digits?

Dear Hot Chick: Is it wrong to leave a phone number with someone without asking if she's married? Or should I have asked her what her marital status is before I left it? ~ Digit-ize-her

Hold onto that telephonic code, cowboy - at least until you've popped the question.

Since no one likes to wear their prison rings anymore, it's hard to tell if someone is contractually bound to another human being or single. There may have been a time when one glance at the ring finger would tell you that most important piece of info, but not anymore. Whether it's because they forgot it, don't like to wear it to work or the gym or because it doesn't go with their single and creeping outfit, you will find a lot of married peeps don't sport their rings.

Which makes it uber hard for those who have the balls to make a move.

I'm sure there are 'valid' reasons for falsely advertising their status, but it doesn't hurt to ask just in case. That way, if something unfortunate should happen like getting walked in on by the spouse, then you're covered under the "holy s#!$, I didn't know" protection clause - which exempts you from douchebag status.

Or, later on, when he/she is spinning a well-exaggerated story about how you are a douchebag who doesn't respect the sanctity of marriage ... well, you can call him/her out for the hooker they are because they didn't tell you.

Win.

You want to WHAT with my husband/boyfriend?

Recently, I have had a number of chicks write and ask me if it’s cool for their deployed guy to skype with another chick. I posed the question as a status update a month or so back. I was surprised at some of the answers. Of course a lot of guys said it’s cool as long as they are just friends. One girl even said it would be cool with them because they are soooo secure in their relationship.

So, now that I’ve had time to think about it, I’m going to call bullshit.

It’s definitely NOT okay no matter how secure you are in a relationship. You know why? Because if he has time to skype … he should be skyping with his girlfriend or wife … or Family members and best dude friends.

It’s also inappropriate for a single gal to proposition a skype session with a not single dude. It doesn’t matter if you are on the wife/girlfriend’s Facebook or not. Respect, ladies – respect. Especially if you haven’t met the girlfriend in person, but you just know she’s there. Put yourself in the girlfriend/wife’s shoes. How would you feel and be honest with yourself.

My guy has a few girls who are just friends. The ones I’ve met are married and have boyfriends (one of them is a best friend). I trust them because they have never mentioned to me that they want to skype with him. But they do email and keep up with him AS A FRIEND. I’m totally cool with that while he is deployed.

Skype is kind of an intimate thing when you’re in a situation like a deployment. I know what my boyfriend and I do when we are on video heaven. Not to say lines can’t be crossed with ‘chick friends’ through email/IM, and ultimately, it will be up to the person in the relationship to respect it and act accordingly. A little inside joke can lead to some under the clothes flash sessions to full on web cam girl scenarios. What guy is gonna turn that down?

The reason guys (and, let’s face it, girls do it, too) allow that to happen is because it’s not actual sex, so both parties think it’s not cheating. But listen up guys, when your girl is taking care of the homefront with her legs and House of V closed for business and collecting cobwebs for up to a year … it’s kind of like a slap in the naughty bits to find out their guy is playing online with another chick. So, guys, you should practice capping your squirt gun for the one who is working the hardest for it … your lady.

This has nothing to do with jealousy or insecurity. And it is most definitely cheating.

So, to back my “calling bullshit” up, I did ask five guys and five girls what they thought:

4 out of the 5 guys said:

It’s okay if it’s, like, a childhood friend.

Me:

What would your wife/girlfriend think about that?

Guys:

Well, we both have friends of the opposite sex and she knows I love her and it’s just a – F%$#, she wouldn’t be down with that.

Only ONE out of the five guys:

I wouldn’t do it, personally, but I can see where there are guys who would. I know if my girlfriend or wife were doing the same I wouldn’t like it either.

EVERY single Gal except one:

Oh, hell to tha nah! If my man is going to be skyping anyone, he’s going to skype with me. The only other girls are his mom, sister and some other family. Not cousins, though. There’s a thin line on what’s acceptable in some parts of the country when it comes to cousins, what with differing degrees of distance in the bloodline.

By the way, this works both ways. Ladies, it’s not cool to skype one of your single dude friends while your man is deployed. Because as my boyfriend once told me:

Guys don’t have single chicks as ‘just’ friends. They’ve either had sex with them before or they want to have sex with them or they are still having sex with them or they want them to send naked pictures. That’s it.

(I do think there’s an exception to the rule, but exploring that option is best for when you and your significant other are both in the same zipcode and country.)

'Ex' Factor

My boyfriend of six months wants to meet his ex-girlfriend for drinks. They dated sometime back, but from what he tells me, they broke up because she cheated on him. They didn’t stay friends, she just popped back up in his life. She also recently befriended me and then unfriended me on Facebook which I found to be weird. I’m not comfortable with this at all. I don’t want to come across as insecure in the relationship, but I don’t really see why he wants to meet up with her – and if it’s just a few drinks, why not invite me?

If I know shady women – and I do – I’d say her plan is to make a play for your man. Stalking you on Facebook was her way of checking out what she is up against. I wouldn’t worry about her too much because you have one main advantage over her – you didn’t cheat on your boyfriend. Men typically don't like to share girls they are in a relationship with.

Honestly, I don’t understand this wanting to meet up with an ex (whom you have not remained friends with) thing. There’s no reason unless you share kids, property, pets or … have unresolved feelings. And drinks? Why not coffee or something less like a date? He’s going for one of three reasons: 1) He wants to see her to let her make that play so he can turn it down, 2) he wants to see if he still feels anything for her or 3) he’s trying to hit that. Either way, having you around would be counterproductive, so you weren't invited.

All you can do is voice your concerns and let him know that you trust him. Then, cheerfully announce that an ex of yours has been asking you to meet up for drinks as well and that you will set that up for the same night he is out with his ex. If your relationship means anything at all to him, he will immediately understand how you are feeling and either cancel his ‘date’ or invite you along. Sound like a game? Well, sometimes you have to play. Because selfish people don’t understand how others view their behavior until they are faced with the same situation.

You can’t tell him not to go, but you don’t have to grin and bear it either. It’s incredibly inconsiderate of your feelings that he wants to go without you, but at least he told you. That says he has some respect for your relationship. Now you just have to decide whether it’s really okay with you or not.

Remember, when people are happy in a relationship, they don’t entertain checking in with their exes over drinks of any kind without their current with them. I’m in a rare, light-hearted mood and so refrained from verbally kicking your man and the ex-slut in the teeth for being douchebags.

Hope it all works out for you.