'Ex' Factor

My boyfriend of six months wants to meet his ex-girlfriend for drinks. They dated sometime back, but from what he tells me, they broke up because she cheated on him. They didn’t stay friends, she just popped back up in his life. She also recently befriended me and then unfriended me on Facebook which I found to be weird. I’m not comfortable with this at all. I don’t want to come across as insecure in the relationship, but I don’t really see why he wants to meet up with her – and if it’s just a few drinks, why not invite me?

If I know shady women – and I do – I’d say her plan is to make a play for your man. Stalking you on Facebook was her way of checking out what she is up against. I wouldn’t worry about her too much because you have one main advantage over her – you didn’t cheat on your boyfriend. Men typically don't like to share girls they are in a relationship with.

Honestly, I don’t understand this wanting to meet up with an ex (whom you have not remained friends with) thing. There’s no reason unless you share kids, property, pets or … have unresolved feelings. And drinks? Why not coffee or something less like a date? He’s going for one of three reasons: 1) He wants to see her to let her make that play so he can turn it down, 2) he wants to see if he still feels anything for her or 3) he’s trying to hit that. Either way, having you around would be counterproductive, so you weren't invited.

All you can do is voice your concerns and let him know that you trust him. Then, cheerfully announce that an ex of yours has been asking you to meet up for drinks as well and that you will set that up for the same night he is out with his ex. If your relationship means anything at all to him, he will immediately understand how you are feeling and either cancel his ‘date’ or invite you along. Sound like a game? Well, sometimes you have to play. Because selfish people don’t understand how others view their behavior until they are faced with the same situation.

You can’t tell him not to go, but you don’t have to grin and bear it either. It’s incredibly inconsiderate of your feelings that he wants to go without you, but at least he told you. That says he has some respect for your relationship. Now you just have to decide whether it’s really okay with you or not.

Remember, when people are happy in a relationship, they don’t entertain checking in with their exes over drinks of any kind without their current with them. I’m in a rare, light-hearted mood and so refrained from verbally kicking your man and the ex-slut in the teeth for being douchebags.

Hope it all works out for you.