Dear Hot Chick,
I'm a 29 year old single guy. I don't have kids, I have a good paying job in the six figures and don't live with my parents. Your a hot girl and smart as hell. You're FB says you are in a relationship, but you don't list with you, so that leads me to believe you are just trying to make sure your not contacted by morons trying to get in your pants. Which leaves the door open for a serious guy like me. I'm not just interested in what's under you're clothes even tho I bet its perfect. I'm interested in you're mind and you're soul. I really believe that even though we have never met in person, we can get to know each other through FB and build a lasting relationship. I know that I haven't been able to stay faithful to a girl because I've been waiting for someone like you to come into my life. So, in the fashion of what the kids would say when you were in high school: will you go out with me?
Dude, in every instance, you've misused the words 'your' and 'you're. How are you making six figures? Never mind, I don't want to know. Congratulations, though, on having a job, not living with your parents and wearing a condom to avoid child support payments. I'm sure that would be a plus - to someone that was interested and could ignore the bull and crap throughout the rest of your dating profile you decided to email.
Look, I'm flattered, and although you would never have a chance in seven hells of being with me even if I didn't, I do have a real life boyfriend. One that doesn't need a link to a Facebook page to make it legit. And while I know that people start and end relationships on their social networking sites, I have never and will never allow that to be the case for me. Call me old school, but I prefer to meet someone in a coffee shop, have them stalk me to a bookstore, ask me to coffee and then call me three days later to confirm. That's what gets my panties loose - and he's been in them ever since.
Here's some free advice: Not being faithful in the past is something you probably wanna keep under wraps when courting any chick, especially if you want to eventually get laid. There isn't a girl on this Earth who will think it's romantic that you cheated in all past relationships because you didn't think it was going anywhere. You're just a douchebag admitting you're a douchebag (notice the correct usage of you're = you+are. It's like grammatic algebra). Thank you for making it easier on us, though.
A few other points to remember:
Lasting relationships aren't built on the computer. You may meet there, but if it never materializes in the real world, it's not really happening. You might as well be having a wet dream.
Never, ever - and I mean it - ever, assume that asking a chick to 'go out with you' is going to work. Even one who remembers what it used to mean. We're not in middle school. Plus, you're calling someone out on their age ... not smooth.
Don't, under any circumstances, use the mind and soul line ever again.
Take this as constructive advice that will help you become a better ... person.
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