Dear Hot Chick: I've been seeing this guy for two months. When we met, he said he didn't want a relationship because his job is too demanding (he's an EMT). He just wants someone he can spend time with when he has time. At first I was like, okay, and tried to keep things simple. You know, no cuddling, no overnights and no spending a lot of time together. But then he started being more affectionate and trying to spend even more time with me, even trying to get me to spend the night with him. When I asked him if he had changed his mind about being in a relationship he said no, but since we were hanging out anyway, why not enjoy it all the way? When I told him that he can't have everything and give nothing, he got mad and left. I haven't heard from him in a few days. What should I do? I have to admit that I developed some real feelings for him and was hoping that maybe he decided he wanted to be in a real relationship with me.
And this is why the friends with benefits arrangement doesn't work - unless you're both men. Because women can't turn off their emotions. As much as we try, we're just wired to feel things. The one-nighter was made for us - it's quick and there's no time to feel anything. Like pulling off a band-aid. But you only do it once - no repeaters.
So, what do you want out of this pretend relationship you have going? It's not exactly set up for a long-term pay-off. So what you should do depends on what you want. He's already told you he doesn't want a relationship and my own experience has told me that when a guy says that, he means it. Even if, one day, he decides he wants a real one, he still won't have that with you. Why not? I don't know, something about you giving him everything without a commitment.
That movie you watched with Justin and Mila? That was just a movie. Hollywood makes money off of raising expectations. Why do you think so many tweenagers don't want boyfriends? Because they are waiting for a vampire or werewolf! But I digress.
Look, bottom line is he walked out and you haven't heard from him. That's his answer to you. He laid it all out for you in the beginning when he said that he didn't want a relationship. Once those words left his mouth and you agreed to put out, he felt comfortable knowing he was covered in the event something like this should happen - and he's right. What was wrong was him expecting you to be his pretend girlfriend.
You're going to call him or text him, I'm going to advise you not to do that. You will only be feeding his ego ... and turning him off. Right now, there's a residual amount of oxytocin in your blood that's telling you that you need this guy, but you don't. Use this experience as a learning block - now you know you can't separate your heart from your vagina. Save them for someone who wants both.
Next time someone says they don't want a relationship, hear what they are really saying, "You're not good enough to be my girlfriend, but I'll still engage in naughty time with you." Remember, people only treat you the way you allow them to treat you.
No comments:
Post a Comment