Wrap it before you let him slap it

I just had sex for the first time with my boyfriend. He didn't use a condom, but he did pull out. I'm only 17 and don't want to get pregnant so I'm on the pill. But I think that he should use a condom, too, just to be safer. He doesn't want to because he says it doesn't feel as good for him. I want to graduate high school and finish college and get married before I have kids and he doesn't understand that. I've heard of girls getting pregnant on the pill - what are the chances if he pulls out? Should I worry?

I'm finding it hard to believe that a 17-year old, in this day and age, can be so ignorant when it comes to sex education. Pregnancy is the only thing you are worried about?

Getting pregnant is only one complication of unprotected sex. For example ... the clap isn't just something you do with your hands.

That's right ... the clap is an STD more clinically known as gonorrhea. 

Let's not forget some of the other vag infesting bacteria like HPV, PIV, trichomoniasis, PID, syphilis, chlamydia and BV. All that shit will make your vag smell like rotting fish, too. People will smell you before they see you. Ew.

But that's not the worst of it, all of those I just mentioned can be treated and cured. Check these two out:

Herpes, if you're unlucky enough to be gifted with that gem of an STD, stays with you for life. You will be on medication forever. It never goes away. Ever. Warts will grow on your dirty parts and it's painful. Your days of hopping in the sack on a whim will be over because you will be able to infect others. Imagine meeting a guy and really liking him and then having to tell him your dirty part is ... dirty. That's embarrassing.


Then there's AIDS. I know, with all the celebrity drama, war and stupid people making headlines in the last few years, all the talk about AIDS seems to have disappeared to the point that people think it's under control, treatable or at least curable. It's not. And AIDS will kill you eventually.

Your health is more important than how good your boyfriend's penis feels. If you guys are not married, and you're going to have sex, he should wrap it before you let him slap it or you may regret it.

Oh. Yes, you can most definitely get pregnant on the pill.

Big dreamer

Is it wrong that I just want to be a stay-at-home-wife? Ever since I was a little girl, when anyone asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up, I knew I just wanted to be married. When I was young, everyone thought it was cute, but now, they think I'm a flake for not having any ambition to be somewhat independent. I look at it this way: men cheat on their wives who work, take care of the kids and don't have time to get pretty everyday with women who don't have those responsibilities and can wait on them hand and foot. So, why not just drop out of nursing school and start there?

I - and most everyone else - look at it this way: you're lazy and don't want to work, so you want to get married and have someone pay your way through life and in return you will, shop, look pretty and perform sensual/sexual favors.

You might as well be a stripper or a prostitute.

Actually, hitting the pole is not a bad idea: not only can you stay in school to legitimize your claim of working your way to a higher education, but you will put yourself in a position to meet guys who apparently have the capital to make it rain hundred dollar bills - as you shove your mentionables in their personal space. It's not a bad deal, really.

Look, it's 2012. The economy won't support big dreams like yours anymore. Most households have a hard time making things work on two incomes, let alone one. While there may be some truth to your statement of why men cheat ... there are other factors that affect relationships/marriages which have little to do with work.

 As a matter of fact, I could tell you that men cheat on kept women, too. So, wouldn't you like to be financially prepared in the (hypothetical) event of your replacement?

Plus, getting your degree and a job will not only help you prepare for the future, but it will increase your worth-and make you more desirable by giving you more options when it comes to dating. Most men like independent women more than lazy ass chicks looking for a free ride. It's the perfect bait and switch - they will think they are getting a capable, independent woman until you quit your job to pop out a few kids to secure him and his paycheck. Win.

Don't give up on your dreams, mama. Just grow up and smell the reality. No one wants to invest in long term baggage - no matter how pretty you dress it up.

Bros before .... wives? Really.

This is going to sound petty, but I have a problem with one of my husband's friends. He doesn't like me and I can be okay with that even if there is no reason for the way he feels towards me. What I do mind though is that he takes every opportunity to slam me to my husband and his other friends - in public!! I don't get it, I can't recall if I said or did anything to make him feel this way about me, but no one, including my husband, defends me to this guy. My husband says it's just his personality. I don't like it and I'm at the point that I do not want him at our house or get togethers with our other friends. My husband says I'm being a typical female, how do I explain this in a way that he will understand?

Your husband is an asshole. And that guy needs to be punched in the ballsack.

This whole situation is drama, really. There is a reason this guy doesn't like you and I guarantee it may have something to do with your husband - unless this moron has a crush on you and is trying to make you look bad so it's not noticeable. Kindergarten tactic, really, but it happens. Or ... your husband could have his dick up this guy's ass for a reason ... But I digress ...

Guys like to talk. They are just as bad - if not worse - than girls. Every fight you have, every discussion about issues in your relationship, are topics of discussion during bro-time. And there are some friends who cannot pretend they like someone who has become unlikeable in their eyes. Most people can be civil. then there are asshats like your husband's friend who can't act like an adult.

I don't know any man who wouldn't stand up for his wife's or girlfriend's honor in a situation like this.

I also don't know what else to tell you. You've banned this guy from your presence, but if you are hoping to ban him from your man's circle of friends ... that might be a little harder to do since he doesn't understand why your panties are in such a wad about this guy.

Bitchy woman

My question to you is this: recently, my girlfriend and I got back together after being broken up for a few weeks. But we are moving back to the direction of our same problems and the reason we broke up before. She says I am not listening to her and I'm not trying to make changes when she is essentially acting like the same person before too. She can be a bitch about everything from how I do my hair to if I want guy time to not wanting to do things because I'm too tired from work. She says I need to change and that it's my fault. How can she expect me to change when she doesn't?

You are not listening to what she is really trying to say. And it's not all your fault, it's hers, too.

Instead of getting pissed and going on the defensive during an argument, calm down and ask her what she feels you are doing wrong and what she would like to see happen. I guarantee  you this will back her up a bit - providing she isn't unreasonably psycho. If you can have a discussion, you will also get the chance to talk about the things that annoy the piss out of you about her, too. She wants you to not only listen and UNDERSTAND how she is feeling, but CARE enough to do something about it.

That's all. 

But she needs to be able to do the same with you. Guys have feelings too and chicks need to stop pretending it's all the guy's fault. Guys react to the way girls act - and vice versa. Your girlfriend needs to understand that there are two of you in this and blaming you for everything is her being ignorant of her own contributions to the problems you both are having.

Relationships fail because couples aren't willing to work on them anymore. At the first sign of a problem, one or both either bail or use that as an excuse to distance their feelings and creep.  Look, the grass on the other side of the fence is only green because it's new. And that yard will become infested with weeds if you don't take care of it, too. True story, son.

So, here's what you do: talk to your girlfriend and see why she is being such a bitch about things you don't think should matter. Then understand that maybe you are being a dick because you don't care about how she feels about those things. Or maybe you do, but you don't know how to make her feel better about them. She can help you with that. Finally, care enough to compromise on a solution so you can make your relationship stronger, instead of letting every issue break it down. It's about respect and a willingness to work it out.

She needs to also understand that just 'cause you guys are together, it doesn't mean you don't have lives and friends outside of the relationship. Your girlfriend needs her own friends or a hobby so when you want bro-time, she can keep herself busy. Really, the days of being with someone 24/7 are so ... never ago.

I'm not saying every relationship can be fight-free. That's impossible. And boring. But you can definitely try to manage them before they escalate into Lifetime Television Movie category.

Teenage Douchebag

This is a little embarrassing. I’ve been dating this guy for about 7 months, we are both in high school. We went to this party at another friend’s house last weekend. I left him and his friend to go talk to some friends and when I came back, I overheard my boyfriend telling his friend that I was a “great lay.” Truth is I’m a virgin and haven’t even done the oral stuff. Well, this didn’t take long to get around and now everyone thinks I’ve had sex with my boyfriend when I haven’t. What do I do? I feel like I should make an announcement that the rumor isn’t true but would anyone believe me?

Ah, the next generation of d-bag … Your boyfriend is a douche and the only announcement you should be making is the one that you’re breaking up with him. He tarnished the reputation of your virtuous vagina to make himself look good to his friends. You don’t need to be with a dude who does not respect you and if you let this go because you feel that you need a boyfriend to validate your existence, then you’re setting a precedent for every relationship you will have after high school. Of course, no one but your real friends will believe you if you make an announcement. But if you break up with him, when you explain to the curious that you can’t be with a guy who would lie about an experience he didn’t have with you, your story will hold more weight and eventually override the rumor. Your ex-boyfriend will learn a valuable life lesson about chicks and you will feel better about teaching it to him. If you don’t respect and stand up for yourself, why should anyone else? So, go teach that moron a lesson.

Too much ... too soon? Probably

Dear Hot Chick, I’ve been in a serious relationship with this guy I met for about three weeks now. I know what you’re thinking: it can’t be serious after just two weeks. But it is. We clicked on every level of our beings and have been inseparable since. Well, he just told me that he is going to be leaving for his job soon (he’s in the ****) and that he will be gone for a while. Even if I had known this up front I don’t know if I would have not dated him, but now I’m wondering what I should do since he’s leaving. Do I keep dating him and wait for him while he’s gone? We talked about it a few times since and I’ve been getting anxiety attacks as the “date” gets closer. I need to know what I should do to make sure our relationship will work while he is gone.

Holy s%$#! There’s not much time.

Quick: Get married – RIGHT NOW. Also, make sure you are pregnant before he leaves, have him provide you with a power of attorney and make sure he adds you to his financial accounts. That might not ensure that your relationship will survive the time apart, but it will make it harder to disentangle himself from you in the event that he realizes you are completely psycho.

Look, it’s possible to really, really like someone after dating for almost a month. Everything is different, you’re noticing how much better the new guy is from your last douchebag and who doesn’t like new … “things.”
But let’s be real here.

You’re probably still recouping from your last break-up and how much you thought THAT was going to last, too. Then it didn’t and you’re realizing as you look back that you were never treated the way you should have been anyway. Here’s a new guy, with new experiences and he’s still treating you like a princess because … he wants to tap that as many times as he can before he leaves. True story, sista.

I know what you’re thinking: I’m a bitter bitch who doesn’t believe in true love because I’ve been dumped one too many times.

Shit. Maybe.

But for serious, he’s leaving soon. You two haven’t been together long enough to build a more solid foundation to your ‘relationship’ other than great sex and good times. Don’t overanalyze your situation to be more than it might be to him – that’s just asking to get your feelings hurt. I think this calls for a conversation between you and the lucky bastard sometime soon about what he thinks of this relationship and where it might be going (or not going).

I’d wait at least another two weeks or so, though, so you don’t come off as too much of a possible stage five clinger. Approach it casually by asking if he sees you guys carrying the relationship through the separation. Don’t explain your feelings or how you think you guys are made for each other. Be prepared for bad news and when you hear it, don’t go bat shit crazy on him. I could be wrong, he could be just as unstable as you and you could be looking at a lifetime of blissfully ever after.
Good luck, future cat-lady.

Facebook does not make anything official

Dear Hot Chick,This is going to sound like a really immature question because I’m 25 years old but what does it mean when my boyfriend won’t post anything to my Facebook wall or put photos up of us on his page? Should I be worried about his level of commitment? Or am I looking into this too much? I don’t want to ask him because I don’t want to sound insecure.

Funny you should ask this question, because it was not long ago that I was quietly thinking the same thing about a guy I had been dating – for three years. Turns out it’s hard to keep your options open when you have photo and comment evidence online of actually having a girlfriend. We broke up. But I digress.

Facebook creates unnecessary problems in relationships. Even adults have been reduced to acting like tweenagers by subscribing to the collective thought, “it’s not official until it’s ‘Facebook official.’” What the Jesus did we all do before Facebook? Oh, right. There was MySpace where we could list our top 8 friends and Heaven forbid we should demote anyone from their rightful order … sigh …

Unfortunately, I can’t tell you what this means for you. It could be nothing or it could mean he’s just not as into you as you want him to be. Or … he just doesn’t really do the Facebook thing. But if it really bothers you and you don’t want to sound like a needy, immature teen … bring it up in conversation like so:

(text him a picture of you both together)

You: So, did you like the picture I sent you? I make you look like a stud.

Him: Haha. Yeah you do. I like it.

You: You should totally put it up as your profile pic on FB.

Him: Hmmm. Okay, I will.

You: I’m serious.

Him: I said I will.

You: How do I know you will?

Him: Because I said I would, now stop nagging me.

Okay, so … maybe that’s not a good idea after all. Don’t do that. Just post photos on your page and tag him in them.

Instead of wondering why he is not publicly acknowledging you guys as an item on a social networking site, maybe you should just concentrate on the dynamics of your offline relationship. If you guys see each other, talk and spend a good amount of enjoyable time together in person, then you are way ahead of a lot of couples who over-share their business on Facebook to make up for whatever it is they are not doing offline to nurture their relationship.

The best way to deal with this situation is to not let it become an issue. Facebook does not make anything official, by the way. It just makes it so everyone knows your business - and that's not always a good thing.